• Kayak Trip Day 76: Tutrakan to Silistra – Broken Kayak Sail + Heatstroke

    Kayak Trip Day 76: Tutrakan to Silistra – Broken Kayak Sail + Heatstroke

  • Getting a SIM Card in Cabo Verde

    Getting a SIM Card in Cabo Verde

  • 9 Important Apps to Download Before Your Trip to China

    9 Important Apps to Download Before Your Trip to China

  • Urban Exploring at Mandalay

    Urban Exploring at Mandalay's Abandoned Airport (Chanmyathazi)

  • How to Get a Senegalese SIM Card

    How to Get a Senegalese SIM Card

  • The Tastiest Vegetarian + Vegan Delivery Restaurants in Penang

    The Tastiest Vegetarian + Vegan Delivery Restaurants in Penang

  • Kayak Trip Day 23: Kobling to Aschach an der Donau

    Kayak Trip Day 23: Kobling to Aschach an der Donau

  • Things to do in or from Campo de Ourique, Lisbon

    Things to do in or from Campo de Ourique, Lisbon

  • Kayak Trip Day 4: Hausen im Tal to Sigmaringen

    Kayak Trip Day 4: Hausen im Tal to Sigmaringen

  • Dawei to Myeik by Thumb – Hitchhiking Myanmar

    Dawei to Myeik by Thumb – Hitchhiking Myanmar's National Highway 8

  • Kayak Trip Day 22: Engelhartszell to Kobling

    Kayak Trip Day 22: Engelhartszell to Kobling

  • Walking to Belgium from Maastricht for Cheap Beer

    Walking to Belgium from Maastricht for Cheap Beer

  • Kayak Trip Day 61: Ram to <s>Golubac</s> Vinci – Giving Up!

    Kayak Trip Day 61: Ram to Golubac Vinci – Giving Up!

  • A Desperate Bus Ride

    A Desperate Bus Ride

  • Biryuchiy to Heniches

    Biryuchiy to Heniches'k: A Hitchhiking Detour to the Watermelon State (Ukraine)

  • Kayak Trip Day 11: Donauwörth to Neuburg an der Donau

    Kayak Trip Day 11: Donauwörth to Neuburg an der Donau

  • The Hitchhiker

    The Hitchhiker's Wishlist (2014)

  • Kayak Trip Day 46: Harta to Paks

    Kayak Trip Day 46: Harta to Paks

  • Cruising Down the Irrawaddy River from Mandalay to Nyaung-U (Old Bagan)

    Cruising Down the Irrawaddy River from Mandalay to Nyaung-U (Old Bagan)

  • Kayaking to Pulau Tikus: a Sacred Island near George Town, Penang

    Kayaking to Pulau Tikus: a Sacred Island near George Town, Penang

‹›

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mazandaran

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Modest Swimming in the Caspian Sea

23rd October 201417th January 2021 Iris Veldwijk

#CaspianSea! #Mazandaran      

 
    

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irisveldwijk

It hurts. (8 August 2026) But I'm doing my own th It hurts. (8 August 2026)

But I'm doing my own thing without constant discussion and criticism. There are a lot of things I've learned since the 6th of September 2015. One of them is that a finding a good partner who treats you well doesn't mean a thing. They can absolutely turn around and actively decide to become a piece of shit. Someone who abandons all their principles and goes from being your dream human being to your biggest enemy. 

Everyone always says "Just find a good [insert gender]". I'd found one who was a much better partner than my other two long-term relationships. Perfect, in a sense. The alignment was insane.

Finding a good partner is no guarantee they'll stay good. I don't believe you can fake this for a solid 8.5 years. I've tried to explain it away: midlife crisis, depression, brain injury. Or perhaps plain cruelty.

They neglected and then refused to fix things while I kept working. I went from carrying 50% of the relationship to carrying 100% over the course of about 2.5 years. Mentally and physically, I've been set ablaze. 

Outwardly, I kept pretending everything was fine. I protected their reputation (something you might have noticed I'm done with). That adds to the loneliness. Talk to friends, my loves. Don't stay silent. 

Love yourself first and foremost. I'm an excellent navigator and even I got fucking lost on this road I chose in life.

What a waste of my capacity for love.

📸 in Aguilar de Campoo (Spain) on some hill overlooking the village. I'd just spent the night following my feelings doing whatever I wanted and exploring things in a way I haven't in over a decade. I've gone to Hades and back and it's been a ride.

#roughbreakup #abusiverelationship #midlifecrisis #digitalnomad #hitchhiker
The HALO Eclipse Moment of the 2026 total solar ec The HALO Eclipse Moment of the 2026 total solar eclipse in Northern Spain with @total.together . So grateful for the experience and can't wait to do it again
#totalsolareclipse #eclipsetotal #solareclipsechasers
Today is my 35th birthday and I have to start all Today is my 35th birthday and I have to start all over again. I don't want to. I am terrified.

In the last 11 years, the cool solo hitchhiker "girl" you might have started following back in 2015 has allowed circumstances to strip herself of everything that that made her her. I don't recognize myself. I don't really know who I am anymore. I would like to go back to being that person, but at my big age? Oof, that's rough.

I used to post here every day and manage a travel blog many people loved. That has been neglected over the years as I was with someone who I thought was the love of my life. The self-abandonment started gradually. Towards the end, I was doing everything to fix things with someone who was drifting away from me while telling me they loved me and wanted to be with me forever. Grow old and such.

I won't grow old with them and I'm uninterested in growing old at all. Growing old sucks.

I've missed opportunities because they took care of me. Opportunities that will never come back. I haven't ever had this many regrets before and I'm overwhelmed by them.

All I want is to rewind time. Either to the point we never met at all so I wouldn't feel this immense hurt and a gaping hole where my heart used to be.

Or rewind to where things started to go wrong. That's the hard part I've been ruminating on for months already. I can't pinpoint it.

I've read the literature about healing. I know what steps to take. Feed myself well. Go out every day for at least a walk, maybe some exercise. Get good sleep. Talk to friends. 

I'm at a fork in the road where the path to self-destruction would just be the easier way to go. I used to be able to do the difficult thing. It's not that I'm incapable of doing the difficult thing of healing; I'm just uninterested. That scares me more than anything. 

Anyway. I know where the gaping hole where my heart used to be is. It's an unbearable six timezones away.

#solofemalehitchhiker
#breakuprecovery 
#happybirthdaytome🎉
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