8 August 2026
It hurts.
But I’m doing my own thing without constant discussion and criticism. There are a lot of things I’ve learned since the 6th of September 2015. One of them is that finding a good partner who treats you well doesn’t mean a thing. They can absolutely turn around and actively decide to become a piece of shit. Someone who abandons all their principles and goes from being your dream human being to your biggest enemy.
Everyone always says “Just find a good [insert gender]”. I’d found one who was a much better partner than my other two long-term relationships. Perfect, in a sense. The alignment was insane.
I was operating under the assumption we were building a life together. Jonas Breuer must have never thought that way. Since I’m Dutch and very direct, of course I have communicated my thoughts and aspirations.
Finding a good partner is no guarantee they’ll stay good. I don’t believe you can fake this for a solid 8.5 years. I’ve tried to explain it away: midlife crisis, depression, brain injury. Or perhaps plain cruelty.
Jonas Breuer neglected and then refused to fix things while I kept working. I went from carrying 50% of the relationship to carrying 100% over the course of about 2.5 years. Mentally and physically, I’ve been set ablaze.
Jonas Breuer would give me the cold treatment and go play video games for hours on end instead of talking things through towards a resolution. I used to be a person who was never lonely. I always enjoyed my own company. But in those moments, I understood what loneliness is.
That’s abuse.
Outwardly, I kept pretending everything was fine. I protected their reputation (something you might have noticed I’m done with). That adds to the loneliness. Talk to friends, my loves. Don’t stay silent.
Due to my formerly beloved continuous travel lifestyle, I never had friends to talk to in person. I’ve maintained contact with the friends and family I love so much mostly online. Towards the end, I was opening up more because I knew total doom was coming.
When I stopped doing 100% of the relationship work, guess what? Things died quicker than I could ever imagine. And Jonas Breuer seemed totally okay with it. That’s what surprised me the most. You keep telling me five times a day you love me, but why won’t you fight for us? There’s a dissonance there that I’ve tried to address to no avail.
People in a similar situation (but hopefully less financially dependent), I’m so sorry. It’s going to fucking hurt no matter what. If you take away anything, just see what happens when you stop carrying the entire relationship. I’m sure some partners will realize they don’t want to lose you and step up. Even if temporary.
Love yourself first and foremost. I’m an excellent navigator, and even I got fucking lost on this road I chose in life.
What a waste of my capacity for love.
📸 taken in Aguilar de Campoo (Spain) on some hill overlooking the village, on August 9th I’d just spent the night following my feelings, doing whatever I wanted and exploring things in a way I haven’t in over a decade. I’ve gone to Hades and back and it’s been a ride.
Evidently, I need your support more than ever
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[This is one post in a series where I process my breakup with my long-term partner Jonas Breuer after he cheated on me in Penang, Malaysia with Julia Hannah Binti Zulkifli. It’s not my usual content, but writing about it helps. Stay tuned for more travel articles.]
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